So, That's what Out of Alignment Feels Like!
For months I labored over where I went wrong; with a particular incident. I was so confused w/ God for months. I mean night after night, I was like "Jesus what's up? I listened. I was obedient, what in the entire world is this foolery about?" I think I got it.
I stopped making good decisions and I started making decisions that other people wanted me to make. I knew who I was, so I didn't think making a decision someone else needed me to make, would actually be a bad decision. It was and as a result I was out of alignment. It's the 'please place your oxygen mask on first before you try to assist someone else with their oxygen mask' principle.
I got prideful. I have a tendency to think I'm placed in every one's life to 'save them'. I'm not God. I'm a good person, but I'm not God. I have to remind myself that it's not my job to be someones saving grace. That I'll never be able to fix someones problems. I'm called to be Christ like. To show people what loving the Lord looks like. To make decisions that Kiva would make because she is a Christian. Not to make a decision that you 'need me to make' as an attempt to heal your hurt. God is a healer, not me. Yet, I jump to the forefront with my 'breastplate of righteousness' and get an uppercut to the jaw, then I have to pray that God shows me how to forgive because my humanness makes me want to fight back. He can handle our brokenness. He can heal our wounds. He can forgive us, love us, redeem us and restore the years. I can be obedient. I can be Christ like; but I can't ignore what HE is saying to me, as an attempt to be what someone else needs. I have to stay aligned with what He is telling me.
I'm humbled and I'm grateful that the bruises heal and that He always shows me the lessons when I truly seek His answers. I'm learning to listen louder. To know that I'm HIS child, HE wants me whole, to be anxious for nothing, to listen to the voice that has always led me and to know that I'm always doing enough when I direct someone to HIM.
I want to encourage someone not to 'call a blessing a curse'. Your selflessness, Your forgiving spirit. Your ability to listen, Your desire to 'be there' is your gifting. Don't forsake it. Align it in Him. Understand that your talents/gifts are God given and should be first used to honor HIM and HE will reveal where, how and who to share them with. We are HIS children, no good thing will HE withhold from us. Be still, Be obedient and BE a vessel not a superhero. Obey His word to you and trust that HE will send people who identify your call and will protect it and not call you out of it.
Thanks for reading guys!
"The proof is in the sacrifice"
**leave em in AWE!**