How to ‘play’ M.I.A

  I’ve been starting my day with gratitude for the past few weeks. It was in a devotional I read and I tried it one day and realized how much it effected my day so now I do it each morning. It makes me realize how many things I take for granted. While I stayed home in my mothers bed on vocal rest. I watched Criminal Minds, Forensic files and other procedural shows with my nieces and expressed how much I’d like to play a detective on one of these shows. Now, I’m not from one of the best neighborhoods but every neighborhood just as every family has it’s own particular brand of ‘crazy’. What’s normal to your family/neighborhood isn’t so normal to other families/neighborhoods.  For instance, after a crime has occurred there is always a neighbor interviewed who says “I can’t believe this happened here” and it pisses me off. Because, the world is NO LONGER the community it was in the 60’s. You don’t know everyone in your neighborhood. You didn’t grow up with your future husband. People move out of state for college and for jobs. The internet merges worlds by the second. Which means 'crazy down the block' may become 'crazy who married your sister'.  Yet, I watch these shows and still feel so far removed from what I’ve never personally experienced until this weekend.

Recently, I thought someone I love had been kidnapped and possibly murdered. It was the most devastating 15 hours of my entire life. My mind went from one extreme to the next. Let me try to recreate a timeline for you

7:30pm- This is strange. I know larry, he should have been here by now and he isn’t answering his phone. It's been 3hrs.
8:00-Calling Larry, Texting larry, Sending emails to larry. Gchatting Larry. Let me know your good, I’m starting to worry.
8:30-Let me make sure there hasn’t been any accidents (CHP, Police stations near my house, near Larry’s house) NOTHING.
9:00-Call my friend since I have no way to go check on Larry, Can you please go to Larry’s house. Larry isn’t home, car isn’t there
9:30-countless calls to Larry, Call Larry’s closest relative, Start trying to figure out who could have seen Larry last. Social media frenzy to contact friends, roommates, poss people who have seen him.
10:30-Calling every ER in LA, Found out his last whearabouts, contacting the company via email, filing a report for CHP, searching through past emails for Larry’s tag #, checking sheriff arrest records online.
12am- keeping Larry’s family in the loop. PRAYING constantly, trying not to call my family or his mom because I don’t want to alarm them. But going crazy BY MYSELF. Still calling and texting Larry. Fussing at the cops and friend who suggest perhaps he just isn’t answering my calls. Going insane recalling our last conversation. Thinking if I missed anything but knowing I hadn’t because this was one of our best conversations in awhile. Trying to find out if he wore the outfit i picked out for him earlier today.
1am- now Larry’s phone is going straight to vm. I remember we said we would pray together everyday so I send a prayer via text message. I cut on my gospels, I pray, I cry, I try to go to sleep. Can his cell phone be tracked, his car?
5:30am I’m back at it. Calling ER’s, Calling all the police departments again. Looking for a recent photograph because I may have to file a missing persons report.
6am- Larry’s relatives are on their way. Call my friend, can you go to his house again.  She does, his car is there. Temporary relief. But, don’t touch the car, we may need finger prints. Maybe the guy he use to let stay with him killed him. She knocks on door, tries everything nothing.
7am- Call a friend can you come get me I want to go to his house. Calling my mom, breaking down because now I feel like he may be dead and that thought is too much to bare. Calling my pastor for prayer. Putting on the clothes he just gave me from his job, maybe it’s good luck. We will find him, God you wouldn’t hurt me like this. Literally shaking and talking to myself continuously
8am –HE IS FINE. Remember the cop and that one friend that said he probably just doesn’t want to talk to you? They were right.
8:30-Devastated, Embarrassed, Humiliated, Heart Broken. I don’t know him, I can’t believe this is my life. I hate Larry! He isn’t a friend. He isn’t the friend I thought I knew. The Larry I knew wouldn’t dare intentionally hurt me like this. Larry has NEVER been able to go longer than 3 hrs, in 3 yrs without contacting his best friend.
9am- God this must be you. You must be telling me…

The range of emotions that occur when you think there is a chance you will lose someone forever is something I could have never recreated as an actor without actually feeling it at some point myself. That’s the mind of an artist. Everything becomes a tool. The pain, the hurt, the happiness, the fear, the love, the doubt, the rage, the faith, the NEED to SURVIVE and protect yourself is what motivates you in every scene and what makes people want to watch. It makes you relatable. Your audience wants you to win. But you must first decide to WIN yourself! Each day decide to be GRATEFUL for what you have today and what He protected you from yesterday and I promise you won't take people/things for granted.


“The proof is in the Sacrifice”

Thanks for reading



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