Ooops, I Think it's Hard to LOVE ME!

  Whenever I attended a wedding and the couple would say ,’it’s been a hard journey’ or ‘we’ve been through soooo much’ in the back of my mind I would think. What have yall been through? Why are yall, getting married if your already exhausted? Awww, I was so foolish! Lol.

I remember a time when I was really ‘EASY TO LOVE'. In terms of dating, what? Those guys in the beginning had it made. I didn’t require anything of them. I was determined to be independent because that’s what I saw my mom doing. I had a "can do", "watch me figure it out", demeanor and the only person I would ask for anything was my mother. Yet, I was giving ALL of myself in relationships. No wonder, I was always in a relationship, chile I was easy to love!! Same with friendships, I always paid my own way, I always drove my own car, People could always stay with me, I always picked up the phone and was ready to be a counselor, I was EASY TO LOVE!

But a few years back, I was ending a relationship and I felt DEPLETED! Like I had nothing to give anyone else. I was disgusted with the thought of being in a new relationship. I prayed a prayer that was probably far less than eloquent and I gave up something, a couple things, as a sacrifice to God and said here is what I want in exchange. I just want you! God I just want you! I want to seek you, I want to know you and I don’t want any distractions.

If you are lucky enough to know my current boyfriend Martin, say a prayer for him. Give him a hi-five, just know that this man has a woman who is now, NOT easy to LOVE. But, don’t feel sorry for him, Lord knows he has given me my slice of kiva-pie. lol

You see, in seeking God he had to do some pruning. He is still pruning, which I personally think is becoming a little excessive, If I’m being honest. But, everything that I thought made me who I AM, was everything that I had adorned myself with to make myself easy to love. I knew what HOME, felt like so I always made sure I had a nice, cozy home. I knew what it was like to have someone you could always count on, so I was to others what my mother has always been to us.  But, I never required others to love me how I loved them.

I’m saying all this to say ask yourself if YOU’RE EASY TO LOVE! Qualify those around you not on the basis of time because in time, things change. Your relationships, friendships will be redefined as your life continues and you have to appreciate the changes.  Will He/She love you as you pursue a purpose that may cost you everything you thought, you previously won? Are you loved because it's easy to love you?

It may not seem like it, but this is a love letter! To the people who have taken the time to LOVE me, when I’m not easy to love. When my love for you can’t be expressed in ways to make your life easier, when I may actually need you to pray for me or help me in some way.  

Martin, I have never been loved how you love me. When God aligns people he requires something of them. To have HIS heart! I love your heart for God and how it requires you to love me. Whether we knew it or not, we both needed to know there was someone who could love us, in spite of! #lessonlearned

ps: Christina Ford- You have been an angel. You will never know how perfect God's timing is and how grateful I am that HE revealed your heart so long ago. I love you girly!

Thanks for reading guys and thank you for Loving me as I become ME!

"The proof is in the sacrifice"

       Nikiva Dionne