'Omgawd I'm Sorry'

What about that moment when you realize that God was ‘checking you’ all along? You know how your not suppose to judge. Well your really not suppose to judge, lol. Sometimes God shows you something in someone else only to reveal the same thing you posses in yourself. SMH, God I APOLOGIZE.

I am known to be brutally honest. Furthermore, I don’t expect from people what I don’t give myself. These, sound like admirable qualities rite? Well, with these principles in tact in MY LIFE, I wasn’t able to understand the ‘Deserving Spirit’. How do you expect someone to do something for you that you don’t do for yourself? How can you fault someone for not doing something they aren’t required to do?

 Well what I didn’t like in others I was guilty of myself. I was a deserving Christian. God, I’m living right! Man I can run my Christian resume down and say with alllllll the giving I do, with allll the sacrifices I make, with allll the obedience I’ve been displaying, with allll the praying, interceding, glorifying I’m doing. GOD YOU HAVE TO BLESS ME. How can you not? I deserve it!

Ohh Chile, I’m about to get on my knees and repent RIGHT now because I can’t believe I’ve been so selfish!

It’s not about what we deserve, it’s about what GOD deserves from us. I’m not doing anything that I shouldn’t be doing. I know better, so he has convicted my spirit to be better. Everything I don’t do is because I know now not to, everything I do is because I know that I should do and none of it has anything to do with what God owes me for being obedient. He deserves my obedience. If he never does anything else for me, he has already done too much. 

I remember I asked my Mom as a child why didn’t she give me money for my good report card and she said without hesitation “Why am I rewarding you for what your suppose to do?” A reward, for what I’m supposed to do, is what I was seeking. My deserving spirit has me unworthy of his promises.

My God if I can save just one other person from the year I’ve had because I didn’t understand that Jesus didn’t deserve to be beaten, ridiculed and hung on a cross but he lived and died for God to be glorified.

Thanks for reading, I’m growing yall. Keep me prayed up!

Nikiva Dionne


  1. Amen...my own chapter this 2012 certainly revealed quite a flaw I've overlooked in myself and has been further cemented in me after this read.

    Keep growing


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