Jesus was homeless 2
This past week I’ve been to
*Panera to use Internet and eat.
*The mall because they have air and comfy chairs to read in
*Every friends event because I have nowhere else to be
and I’m currently dressed in my Sundays best including a $1,000
pair of shoes and NO place to take em off or even take a nap after church on a
Sunday. Yes, I thought of selling
the shoes, the bags, the clothes but God said no. (he only puts on me what I
can bare, lol) Humbling but Promising times. I’m so full of his promise that
it’s hard to be consumed with my current reality.
Btw my reality is,
I’m knocking on 30 w/ two degrees from Berkeley, a resume and skill set
that could wrap around the block, yet I’m homeless. I find God hilarious that he put it on my heart months and
months ago to begin feeding the homeless, only for me to find for the first
time in my life, I too am now homeless. He is something else.
When I started serving on skid row I was dumb founded when I
realized I was praying prayers for others that were parallel to those of which
I prayed for myself everyday. I began praying that every time I prayed, I
wanted God to consider my prayers as the prayers of others. This is no mistake
and it also isn’t by accident. I chose to follow God entirely and completely 2
years ago and following him means u’ll go places you’ve never been, see things
as you’ve never seen them before and that I’ve done, lol.. but I’m not done yet. In praying for others I ALWAYS assure them that what they’ve done isn’t
the reason for where they are. I want to take the burden off their shoulders so
they can place it on God. However, as I faced a new ‘low’ in my life I find
myself trying to ‘understand’ how my obedience let me get here. God how do u
bring me to THIS, when I’ve been the best me ever? God, I’ve been faithful,
obedient, I’ve stepped when u told me to, I’ve walked away from when you said
it was time to go, I’ve always worked my butt off, I was never lazy.. Than God said Shut up! This has nothing to
do w/ you. If u have wanted others to release a false reality that they are to
blame for where they currently are.. than u too must release the false reality
that because u follow me u will be exempt from certain lows.
I feel insane because all I kept thinking was, how beautiful
this story will be one day when the destiny is achieved. However, it’s
beautiful now! I have to find the beauty in his promise even before the
promise is realized. No matter how ugly I feel, I feel his grace. I know HE is
proud of me that I haven’t lost my mind, even though I lost my home. But I’m
tired! I haven’t lost faith but I’ve lost energy. If I’m honest w/ myself I can
say I’ve reached a place where I have no energy left. I find myself talking to
God in pain. I can barely muster up a word but I manage because all my hope is
in him. Things seem to have gotten so bad that Kiva has finally relinquished
all control over to the one who controls it all. Isn’t that something!! Some
people are so hard headed he has to remove all hope u have in yourself so that u
can rest all ur hopes in him.
This blog has been nothing but MY TRUTH since day 1. I may
not look like what I’ve been through but I’m going through.. The word tense is what matters.. I’M
GOING!!
He wanted to bring me to lows where only he can lift me.
I can’t say everything that
he is revealing in this time but I will leave with this, Jesus said
'Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the son of man has no place even to lay his head'
NIKIVA DIONNE
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