What Did I do NOW?

When ur hard headed, you have to be prepared to learn lessons the hard way.  Maybe one of my handicaps has actually been what I’d previously prided myself on. Do you guys think you can be friends with an ex? And is that answer contingent upon whether or not their/ur current is an insecure nut ball?  You see I’ve always felt like when an ex crosses the line, than the ex needs to be X’d. However if the split was amicable and both parties understand and respect each other and the person they are becoming individually, How do you then end the friendship because the relationship doesn’t work? You know there are tons of ‘technicalities’ when it comes to this and I could totally play devils advocate. There are so many variables to be considered. I’ve been on each side of this scenario more times than I’d care to have been but what I know rite now is, GOD WANTS ALL OF ME.  PERIOD!

It’s almost as if he knows my proclivities, he knows my kind heart, he knows those who have been around me and I have to trust that when I feel like I’ve been slapped in the face, it’s because HE knows what HE HAD to do in order for me to listen the first time, lol. My mom ALWAYS called me hard headed, now while I think she exaggerated more times than a little bit, I am also becoming more aware that God is undoubtedly removing people from my life. And it’s not my place to be ‘hard headed’ and try to hold on.

I can’t front, it hurts. It hurts like hell! But, it would hurt so much more to miss out on my destiny because I didn’t trust God with every aspect of my life.  TWICE in the past few months, I’ve received what I felt were totally unwarranted, disrespectful, hurtful and just foolish text and NEITHER time, could I find the words to reply. If you know me, you know I’m rarely at a lost for words and even more rarely do I not have a response, rebuttal or facial expression to offer immediately! However, both times I found myself, searching for a response in the midst of my hurt and I couldn’t muster up a word.

Just give it to God Kiva, Is my new mantra. If it doesn’t make sense, than it’s probably God.  In my prayers I thank him for ‘what didn’t happen’ so I’m now forced to consider if these very instances are the ‘what didn’t happen’ that I’ve already thanked him for.

Anyway I hope this entry inspires and/ or encourages someone to seek their answer from God and not from anyone else. There is NOTHING you need, that you can’t get from him. Not closure,  Not a Y, Not an apology, NOTHING!! Just trust him, give him your hurt, give him ur happy, give him u, and trust him he will never forsake you and he is a healer, of broken hearts, minds and bodies.

Bblessed and Thanks so much for reading

Nikiva Dionne