Kiva work on 'BEING' and let others BE!

Have you ever felt you were completely resolved on a situation only to find yourself confronted with it again to learn, YOU WERE ACTUALLY WRONG? I heard a sermon this week that made me realize I had been wrong in my approach and/ or communication w/ some people in my life. I needed to examine the aspects within relationships/friendships where I’m strong as well as where I need to develop. Some of which was

1) Who in your life is testing WHERE U R?
 Now, I was all for this part. Oh yeah, I’m miss accountability. How can you not respect my honesty? If we are friends, If I love you, I owe you my honesty! I have no problem telling others the truth. I see the best in what you can be and if I see u screwing up ohh yeah, I’m going to tell u! (Ok, miss know it all!)

2) If relationships are built on transparency than a huge part of that is “Making it easy for people to be honest with you” I’m realizing RITE now as I type this entry that I should have fully grasp this about a month ago with another situation :-/ but hey, I’m glad God saw fit to smack me in the face with it, once again, lol. (He loves me yall)


3) As you begin to build relationships you will see flaws, DON’T JUDGE THEM! Don’t define a person by their flaws.  And don’t define your relationship based on their flaws.

I’ve always been ‘Mature’. My foresight saved me from allot of stupid situations but I think it also made me less compromising w/ others.  I realized something about an ex after speaking with him a lil while ago. He is now becoming everything that I told him he could be YEARS ago. I pushed him so hard and for so long until one day I felt like it was more of a burden than a relationship. So I left. Now years later, this man is the man I knew he would be. Now, grant it, it took him sometime but as a Christian I’m learning my place. My place wasn’t to say where he should have been or how to get their but to perhaps pray him along his journey and not judge him for the detours that he probably had to take in order to make him who he is today. Thankfully he appreciates the person I was to him and we are still friends even though I may not have been my best me when I was requiring him to be a better him :-/

Now I’ve been meditating on Proverbs 31 and it's about a ‘virtuous woman’. Crazy thing is, the fact that I consider myself 'this woman' has also been my justification for expecting so much from people. Without going too deep but explaining EXACTLY where my head should have always been I’ll say what pastor told us 

                           “Work on BEING, when you BECOME, you will HAVE”

I finally realize that if I focus on ME! Being all that God wants me to be, rather than feeling offended when someone doesn’t treat me how I feel they should, when I truly am THAT WOMAN, I’ll HAVE! I’ll have the healthy communicative relationship I desire with my friends and partner. I’ll have those around me who honor the woman I truly AM without me telling them how I should be treated. Me focusing on BEING will in itself require those around me to BE, as well and their places in my life will define themselves as I BECOME. I don't have to check anyone but me!

No Sugar: You don’t have because you aren’t there yet. Respect the process for others as well as for yourselves.  I’m not saying settle, never settle! But, make sure you make it possible for others to be TO YOU, what YOU WANT to be, to them.  I am ALLOT of amazing things and instead of looking at what YOU are NOT, I need to focus on what I AM NOT and work on that!

Thanks so much for reading

“The proof is in the sacrifice”


  1. Girl you peaking into my brain with this one. I'm learning the high standards I set for other people aren't always the standards that I even live up to. We can be great motivators to do right but fall short of taking our own "Miss Know it All" advice. For me, I'm learning that in my passion to prevent others from repeating my mistakes I can come off a bit Holier than Thou. Learning to let people be themselves and not judge or compare as we grow is the ultimate goal of Gods Agape love. Its also important to recognize when people aren't letting us be our less than perfect selves when they judge us for shortcomings they didn't think we had and not beat ourselves up about their comments. Comes with the territory though. Some people label me as a Proverbs 31 woman and I humbly appreciate them and recognize that I strive to be a Proverbs 31 woman but I'm not yet. But like you said We need to continue being or striving for that Proverbs 31 status and the rest will come.


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