Happy Cali-versary KIVA, but some things have to DIE now!
Today is my 5year Cali-versary! Eeekkkk!!
It doesn’t seem like it’s already been 5years.. yet so much has happened that it seems like 10years, lol..
I went to mid week church service and the sermon was about how you have to DIE to something(s).. I’ve heard sermons in the past with the same premise or concept and they’ve always been the ones that stuck out to me and compelled my spirit to re-evaluate those around me. I think its because I have a slight fear of walking totally away from people. I’ve shared with you guys in the past how my dad and I stopped speaking many years ago and sense then I’ve never wanted to feel like this will be the last conversation I have with so and so… Now this is not to say some people haven’t ‘died’ to me but this is basically saying there are times when it’s easier to identify what NEEDS to die and other times when the memory of what was or could have been makes it harder to allow something to die.
However, when I consider the times I was forced to walk into a new phase and the things I had to let go of in order to get there, I'm excited that this message has been placed on my heart again, rite now! This is the first time in my life that I feel like God is not giving me the option to pick and chose what room I want to clean first. It’s almost like after I said God I’ll do anything for you.. He said, FINALLY! Now, this is my home. I dwell in you and where I am there is no room for things that don’t possess my spirit.
Then he started replacing the drapes and painting the walls and I liked the color choices so I started seeking more of him. Than he said that bed has to go and I said what? Where will I sleep? And he said- I supply your needs.. I said fine and quit my job! He said your time is up w/ that car. You gotta get rid of it. I said now you know I don’t have pay stubs or a down payment or a “financial backer” how can I get another one, and he said do it!.. So I did and it was done! Than he said, you know that seasonal comforter set that has the hole but you love it, so you keep pulling it out every spring. Throw it away!! I said OK, but instead I tried to sew the hole shut and then I flipped it on the other side and then I covered the hole with a pillow and he finally said… Fine, you don’t wanna give it up because it’s sooo cozy watch this.. and it started making me itch.. all of a sudden my comfy reliable blanket no longer provided comfort.. OK, God, I get it!
Than he actually took time to explain his next move.. He said with his arms around me you now I understand that this may hurt but it’s time to down size, you don’t wear all those shoes. He went straight for my favorite pair! I’d had em a really long time, I had spent the most money on em, I had gotten the tips replaced I had worn the red off the bottom, but they were still sitting in the closet. I wasn’t wearing em but they were MINE… until he said, actually they no longer fit and if u put ya feet in em its gonna hurt and if u try the next time they may make ya feet stink… all these years these shoes were MINE and now there is no longer any room in my life for them. I went to throw em away but he took em and handed them to someone else.. and that heffa could fit em! It took some months because I still felt like she was wearing my damn shoes, lol However, I realize they will never be my size again. Kiva, this needs to DIE!
Are you guys beginning to understand the redecorating occurring in my life? You know it’s easier to accept changes when the void is being immediately replaced. Hell, it’s easy to move on when you always feel like if you had to you could grab those black pumps out the closet :_/ You see as an adult I’ve been pretty good with knowing when to walk away but it’s the things that have been apart of me for sooooo long that I have trouble getting rid of.. I’m afraid to let go of the people that knew me when I wasn’t the person I am today. I think it’s because I want them to know the person I’ve become and re-love me,lol.
Well guys, I’m in mourning because God is requested that I let some things die in order to walk into his promises. Im excited! So much of what he has promised me has still been merely a vision because I’ve been holding on to the person I’ll never again be. I’m accepting him in every facet of my life. I’m cleaning out every closet and I’m allowing him to dwell in me.
Happy Cali-versary KIVA! I finally feel like I’m in the place I saw in my dreams as a child. I’ve come to far to turn back so I might as well turn it up,lol…
“The proof is in the sacrifice”